Notice: At this time’s publish comprises a phrase that begins with “p” and rhymes with “Venus.” Mother and father, please mum or dad accordingly.

Earlier than you head out to top off on fireworks at this time, here is a useful tip from the parents over at Lamebook:

Maybe I ought to rephrase that.

(Additionally: ow.)

What I meant was, relating to fireworks, you really need essentially the most bang in your buck:

So at all times search for the cartoon steam whistle shouting, “Bang!”

You also needs to familiarize your self with what fireworks truly look like, so you do not find yourself with a bunch of…bombs. (See what I did there?)

Even when they are patriotically


highly effective

penis-ish ones.

No, belief me, you don’t need sprinkles.

I see…slushies.

Oh my gosh! They killed Blinky!

(That is the crimson ghost from Pac-Man, youngsters. Now cease making me really feel outdated.)

Vital rocket security tip:

The flamey bits ought to at all times come out the again.

Additionally, do not forget your patriotic donut holes!

At the very least they remembered the blue balls this time.

Due to Jessica G., Daybreak S., Gail D., Deanna T., Amber S., Leanne O., & Saralyn T., who make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh” whereas they shoot throughout the sky-y-y.

In a firework-y means, I imply.

Not a penis-ishy means.

NEW GOAL: Work the phrase “penis-ishy” into as many dialog at this time as attainable. Beginning…NOW.


P.S. Whereas we’re flirting with that PG-13 score we might as properly speak about bewbs, proper? So here is a shout-out to my favourite wire-free bra:

Warner’s Easy Does It Seamless Wireless Bra

 I like the under-arm smoothing panel – no dig or pinch! – and like most Warners, these are extremely comfy. These are all I put on now! I watch the itemizing and purchase any colour that goes below $20, so you should definitely test all of them in your measurement. (I am a 34DDD and put on a Giant, if that helps.)

 Oh, and you should definitely test the picture gallery for a greater concept of how these look on bigger tracts of land.